Ch-ch-changes

Well, ten years after the breakdown of my marriage, and two years after the divorce was official, I have finally changed my name back to Curran.  I tried this once before, some of you may remember, shortly after "Michael" (code name for my ex) and I separated, but I think it was too soon.  I didn't really feel like I was Niki Curran anymore, and more importantly, I still loved "Michael", and was hopeful that we could work through our troubles and save our marriage.  Needless to say, that did not happen.  And now after many years of explaining the ethnic background of my married name (no, it's not Italian or Greek, it was actually shortened a few generations back, and it's Ukranian), I began to miss the pride of my Irish heritage most evident in my maiden name.  And after checking with my two sons to ensure that no one would be upset if I changed my name to something different from theirs, I started the change back to Niki Curran. 

It's funny how I thought (hoped?) my fellow Curran family members would be happy about it, or at least comment on it, but most have not mentioned it, at least not yet.  Perhaps they haven't yet noticed my new name on Facebook, Twitter or this blog?  Oddly enough, the person making the biggest deal so far is my sister-in-law who is not even a Curran by blood, but became a Curran by marrying my brother, lol.  At any rate, it's interesting to realize just how many things in my life have my name on it.  I started a list on the weekend of everyone to be notified and everything to be changed.  And I find myself adding to that list several times a day as I think of new things.  Today a coworker was talking about purchasing something off e-Bay.  And I figuratively slapped my forehead, and said to myself, crap, my eBay account has to be changed!  As I go about making all the necessary changes, I find myself getting happier as I change more and more things.  It's funny, but it kind of reminds me of when I was doing this some 13 years ago, only in reverse.  I was so very happy to be married, and changing all my bank accounts, credit cards, email addresses etc. to my new name was exciting and thrilling, especially when so many people congratulated me on recently getting married.  I have already had to explain once to a work colleague (as I'm sure I will do so many more times in the near future) that no, I did not recently get married, just reverting back to my maiden name after getting divorced a couple of years ago.  But funny enough, that same work colleague said to me, well congratulations on that then.  And I had to laugh.  Ten years ago, when I first tried going back to Curran, I would not have laughed.  Quite honestly I probably would have burst into tears.  It's amazing how the last ten years have changed my perspective.  Have I gotten older?  Most certainly.  Have I gotten wiser?  Damn straight.

Feb 23rd - Thinking Hard

Today I mentioned to a co-worker from another department that I was seriously considering leaving our company.  She immediately started to talk me out of it, saying that I have so much experience, I am a wealth of knowledge and she calls me even when she knows that she should be calling someone else, because she knows I'll know the answer. Then she asked me why I didn't apply for the supervisor position when it became available last summer.  When I explained that the supervisor position required me to be licensed as a Compliance Officer, she immediately said to me, ok then, get yourself licensed, because you are too valuable to leave us.  I laughed and said that I was working on it, but recently I began to doubt whether this was the right direction that I should be taking.  She peshawed the idea, said you're almost there, just finish it! and then we discussed how my plan 18 months ago was to become a corporate branch manager.  Having spent years getting to know myself fairly well (haha), I realized a while back that my personality and experience in the finance industry would mean that I would likely be well-suited to a branch manager position. But can I make it through all the courses, and manage to continue to work in my current position, without losing my mind???  Or worse, my temper? LOL

Starting out

Well, I've jumped in head first, I've started a blog.  My sister gave me the inspiration, she started a blog a couple of months ago, and I thought it was a great way for me to start writing again (which I haven't done in ages), but an even better way to procrastinate studying for my securities course, lol.

It's the long weekend and the boys are at their dad's.  I had some friends over on Saturday, but it's been quiet today.  Too quiet, and I've been doing some thinking, despite my attempts to keep myself busy watching movies.  These past few weeks have been stressful at work, and it's got me wondering if I'm going down the right path in my career.  I changed positions within my company about 18 months ago, and at the time, I was certain that the move was right for me.  But with recent changes to the ownership of my firm, everyone seems to be even more stressed than usual, including me, and my frustration with "the system" is reaching an intolerable level.  My boss advised me to let it go, said I shouldn't let myself get stressed about it, and that I could be right or I could be happy, but not both.  I laughed when she said it, but then it made me wonder, is she right?  And is she talking just about work?  Or life in general?  Knowing myself fairly well, I realized that if my boss is correct, that I could be right or I could be happy, I am in serious trouble.  Because I have this insatiable need to be right, being right makes me happy.  So if I can't be both right and happy, where does that leave me?  That's what got me thinking that it is time for me to leave my company, to find another job elsewhere where things are more stable, and where my urge to be right leads me to do a fantastic job, which is in turn appreciated and applauded.  Starting at a new company after 7 years at my current firm will be hard, making major changes in life is always stressful, but in my case, I think staying would be even more stressful in the end.  Time to update my resume, I guess.  Wish me luck.